I have been super busy with work this summer and haven't had much time for my bloging.  Lol The kids have started school again and Caitlyn is in kindergarten yea!!  Full day kindergarten double yea!!! Unfortunately work has been quite demanding this summer and it doesn't look as though there is an end in sight yet. Fortunatly I am working all morning shifts....lol every single day. Sucks to be awake so early every morning but, once in a while i catch the sunrise and it is beautiful. I am also off early enough to pick the kids up from school so no complaints there. It just doesn't leave me time for housework or other activities. As a family, I believe we may be on auto-pilot. I guess for now, that is alright as long as we don't veer off into the ditch. Dawson has started junior high and has gone from the big man on campus to the little man, it seems to be messing with his self esteem though. We'll have to talk about that some more. But it seems he does like it so far. Elliott is in 5th grade now and is such a quick student. He's always ahead of the class. Fun fun And the little princess, Caitlyn, has just begun so we have yet to see how it goes. I believe she may have dyslexia....it has been really difficult trying to teach her, I am going to have her tested. I think that there is something I don't know about her yet. But I don't know much about learning disabilities so I'll have to get some readin done on the subject. Otherwise things are well here.

Oh and I finally got a new car this summer...I love it, it's a silver PT Cruiser it gets such good gas mileage(especially compared to the old F-150) and the kids are no longer ashamed of their ride. Yea!!!! Also it's super dependable love it love it anyways gotta go for now getting up early again tomorrow :( Ciao

  There have been so many thoughts running through my head since I received an email from my Grandparents. I was aware that within the last five years they have become very devout Christians. I know that they have also been somewhat pushy in regards to Christianity being the only way to God. So, I will post this letter here and then go on with my thoughts afterwards. So here it is the original email in it's entirety.

Hello Family!

I have had several (or many) e-mails about Oprah lately and didn't forward them until I had checked things out....it looks like she has gone off the deep end. Oprah is doing the work of the anti-christ with a smile on her face and a HUGE following. The poor souls who buy into her teaching are the ones my heart breaks for.

We must have the whole armor of God or we will fall for stuff like this.

Click on the following and watch.  There are several more tapes you can see if you want to....me?  I don't like watching her. Just enough to see if what we have heard is true.  Let us know what you think about all this OK?

We send our love and hugs to all of you...Mom & Dad; Grandmother & Granddad.

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JW4LLwkgmqA

   Now first of all, I would like to address that most of my family is unaware of my personal beliefs. This is due to me not feeling comfortable enough with them to believe that they would accept me for who I am, which is whom I have always bee. I have just never really put any sort of label on it until recently and I am still very eclectic in my practices. I am sure that this is because I am still learning but I am fully aware of my basic beliefs.

  Essentially they are what make me who I am today. And what enables me to not only to open my heart but my mind as well to others that I do not fully understand. I know in my heart that everyone and everything has a bit of the divine being that created this world. Every grain of sand, every animal, every plant, every human was created with a piece of this being within it. Do I believe in God? Yes, but not in the Christian sense. I believe in a being with infinite wisdom, all encompassing love, and endless compassion.  I believe that due to this Divine Being's infinite wisdom, that multiple paths to God/Goddess have been made available to the human race. I do not believe that there is only one true way to God/Goddess nor do I believe that any religion is better than another religion. God/Goddess made everyone of us different and with these differences our true beauty shines.

  Our ability to be tolerant of others is tested daily, with differences in opinions, our religions, spirituality, and our skin color, have all been tests of our tolerance. Wars have been fought in Jesus' name, Hitler slaughtered the Jews, and Witches have been burned, stoned and beaten to death all in the name of the Christians so called, Lord. I understand that we don't know everything. I understand that we cannot fully comprehend another persons way of thinking. But I still cannot comprehend why. Why we kill in the name of an all loving God/Goddess when we should be revering the God/Goddess. I am in no way trying to make this into a Christian bashing event, my family is all Christians, I love every one of them. I just don't believe that I will ever understand why it is so hard for some to see beyond a person's religion and see the good within them.

  I was raised in a Christian home, I went to Bible school, I attended a Christian based youth group throughout high school. I met some very wonderful, understanding and tolerant people. But throughout my life, Christianity did not ring true to me. The Golden Rule is the only thing that did. I was lost and wanted to know what my basic belief system was...I heard about a website called beliefnet and it changed my world. There was a test on it called the Belif-o-matic so I took it and I came up 97% neo pagan and 89% reformed Judaism. I was surprised. I didn't even know what paganism was. So I started to research both and paganism touched my heart. It felt as though I had come home and someone actually understood me. It has been a wonderful experience. I have learned from many different friends. I have also learned much about myself. Paganism has taught me self-discovery and how to have a relationship with the Gods. It has shown me how to make myself into what I want to become. And I am grateful that my eyes were opened to this opportunity.

Now about Oprah, I don't believe she is the anti-Christ, I don't believe she is misguiding the entire human race with her shows. I do believe that we all make choices on whom we want to be and how we want to live our lives. Some want to teach, some want to preach, some want to learn and others just want to follow like mindless shells. I choose to pick my own life path. I choose what is best for me and what rings true in my heart. For me that is, revering nature, treating all beings with compassion, and being tolerant of those who aren't tolerant of me. This is the life that I choose. For now, this is all that I have to say. Let me know your opinions I will probably revisit this subject after some more thought.

Brightest blessings to you all

The shredding of my heart begins

Blood spilling from the open wound

Dripping from the dagger that was your words

I thought that this was over

The pain had subsided

A year ago, this was finished

Or had I left the rope bound tightly around my heart

The noose of my neverending love waiting to tighten itself

Mocking my fragile sense of reality

Confusion surrounds me

Memories beckoning me to my imagined reality

Wrapping around me like a warm down comforter

Whispers of love and adoration echo in my ears

It would be effortless to stay here

Living in this fictitious life that

Only my eyes can see

Longing for my fantasy to become reality

What is the point of this alternate existence

It will never come to fruition

I am merely prolonging the torture of my heart

Therefore I must unbind my heart from this deceptive devotion

I release myself from this manipulative affair

Reality is bittersweet

            Over a year has gone by since the fire in which my family and I recovered only a few personal items, paper remnants of our previous life. The smoke still lingers on these documents, which have also taken on the color of smoke around the edges. Now I take a look around, and realize how far I have come since that day. By losing everything, my life has greatly improved.

            The night before the fire, I asked the Divine to please cleanse my life of all the negativity. The frightening images of abuse lurked in every corner of my life. Memories of unhappiness and sorrow remained in every room in my home. It was so hard to let it all go so I cast my spell and turned it over to Goddess. The next day around 11 in the morning I received a call that my home was on fire.

            Honestly at that moment I was unable to see what would come to be. It was devastating to see my entire world burning. My family and friends consoled me. The community opened their arms and took us in. I was surrounded by Love. The fire taught my children what small towns are all about. It showed them how important others are to us in this world and why I try so hard to be compassionate in this sometimes, harsh world. Before the fire, they wanted to move, they wanted to go live in the city. Country life was too boring for them. I smile as I remember their faces when I they saw how everyone pulled together and helped us get back on our feet. Not once did I have to get assistance from the government. I had all the help I needed in the community around me.

            An earthly angel appeared in my life disguised as a wise old woman witty and sharp. She came up to talk with me at my work. Offering to me her help until I found somewhere to live and gave me a gift certificate for fuel at a local gas station (at the time I was commuting about 50 miles a day in a gas guzzling pick up). I thought that was more than anyone could ask for. She has helped me to set up my new home and furnish it as well. She has helped me in so many ways. The more I get to know her the more I see how she assists so many people that are at the bottom trying to dig themselves out. She is an amazing woman and I admire her greatly.

            Now I don't have everything, but I do have enough. I have all that I need and that is plenty. I've kept my children in the same school but I have relocated a town away into Strasburg. It's a great place to live the people are friendly and the air is clean. I'm basically still in the same community that helped me out so much in the first place. I have so much to be thankful for and so many friends that I love. I see now, that the fire happened to cleanse my life and to start anew.